by guest blogger, Gretchen Harro, M.A., LMFT<\/p>\n
\u00a0As I was driving home from work the first day after a lovely, long vacation my thought was, \u201cThat could have gone better.\u201d My client sessions hadn\u2019t been awful, but I had a sense of missed opportunities, of not being as active and engaged with clients as…as what? As I want to be, as I need to be to be effective, as they deserve. What was missing? Even though I am a couples therapist who believes strongly in the effectiveness of Emotionally Focused Therapy I hadn\u2019t taken time to remind myself of the basics of this model. While I was away, I had put aside thoughts of steps and stages, negative cycles, the importance of enactments and how to do them well. Going to work that day without reviewing the basics was like running a race without first warming up. I finished, but it wasn\u2019t pretty.<\/p>\n
So I made myself a list that I\u2019d like to share with you:<\/p>\n
The Most Fundamental Things (aka getting back into the EFT mindset after vacation):<\/p>\n
\u00b7 Present process. Focus on what is happening in the room right now. don\u2019t get lost in the content of \u201ccatching up.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u00b7 In a distressed relationship, the partner who has become a source of fear\/disconnection is also the source of comfort, creating a back and forth uncertainty.<\/p>\n
\u00b7 It is the fear of reaching for the partner in moments of distress\/disconnection that keep the negative cycle going.<\/p>\n
\u00b7 When there is pain in the room, validate, validate, validate, then bring them to the cycle. “This is what happens…” Make the blocks to connection explicit.<\/p>\n
\u00b7 Slow things down and work to help the client shift into primary emotion.<\/p>\n
\u00b7 Look for an opening for an enactment.<\/p>\n
\u00b7 Don’t come into any session with an expectation of what state the couple will be in. Be curious and ready for anything.<\/p>\n
\u00b7 Every session is an opportunity to help the couple have a great conversation with each other. Help couples be curious, too.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n
The 2018 EFT Externship is coming up in June!\u00a0 Don’t miss your opportunity to learn about this cutting edge treatment!<\/p>\n