{"id":2147,"date":"2017-03-22T00:27:45","date_gmt":"2017-03-22T05:27:45","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/chicagoeft.com\/?p=2147"},"modified":"2017-03-22T00:27:45","modified_gmt":"2017-03-22T05:27:45","slug":"enactments-pt-1","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/degeneral.davidkim.net\/?p=2147","title":{"rendered":"Are you happy with your enactments?"},"content":{"rendered":"

Enactments – pt.1<\/strong><\/p>\n

Have you been doing enactments with your couples? Having any questions about how, why and when to do them?\u00a0You’re not alone. Read on…<\/p>\n

Enactments are\u00a0the face-to-face sharing of primary emotions – such as\u00a0fear or\u00a0shame. Or needs, like being accepted, loved or seen as ‘enough’; and they’re\u00a0used throughout the course of EFT. In stage one, when partners begin to access vulnerable emotions, often\u00a0for the first time,\u00a0they help facilitate de-escalation. The listening partner sees the sharing partner in new ways, not just demanding or defensive, but hurting.
\nEnactments prime the pump for moving into stage two, when\u00a0enactments are not just helpful \u2013 they’re the lifeblood of change. Here, partners have broken the negative cycle and\u00a0share more deeply,\u00a0and in the moment<\/em>,\u00a0their poignant, tender emotions and underlying needs. For instance, a pursuing partner expresses core doubts that she is lovable. With heightening and well-attuned empathic conjectures she is able to talk\u00a0from<\/em>her fear, \u201cAs long as I can remember, I\u2019ve felt alone, unseen… unworthy of love. I\u2019ve told myself \u2018don\u2019t ask for love, it\u2019s not for you and you\u2019ll just be disappointed all over again\u2019\u201d.\u00a0 The fear? If she shows her need for love, her partner will not respond or may see her as too demanding and difficult to love. She would be devastated. She has a negative view of other \u2013 \u2018I won’t get a response\u2019 \u2013 mixed with a negative of her self \u2013 \u2018I\u2019m unworthy and unlovable\u2019.
\nTaking in her\u00a0fears, the listening partner may struggle at first with this new way of hearing her, \u201cThis is\u00a0so new to me,\u00a0I\u2019ve never heard you talk this way\u201d, but is drawn in by her vulnerability. The partner\u00a0is\u00a0accessible, responsive and engaged<\/em>\u00a0\u2013 A.R.E. And hearing her in this previously unknown and surprising way, the listening partner responds with acceptance and support to her underlying need to feel worthy of love, and to\u00a0be<\/em>\u00a0loved. She has taken the risk to reach out and share from a place of profound vulnerability and receives\u00a0assurance and emotional support in return. The bids for connection are clear\u00a0and the\u00a0call and response begin to redefine the relationship as emotionally safe, creating a lasting bond. They feel the connection in their hearts and it builds trust and security.
\nThis is the \u2018why\u2019 of using enactments. Next time, we\u2019ll look at the \u2018how\u2019, including making your enactments powerful\u00a0and transformative.<\/p>\n

Jeff Hickey LCSW \u00a0 Director, Chicago Center for EFT<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Enactments – pt.1 Have you been doing enactments with your couples? Having any questions about how, why and when to do them?\u00a0You’re not alone. Read on… Enactments are\u00a0the face-to-face sharing of primary emotions – such as\u00a0fear or\u00a0shame. Or needs, like being accepted, loved or seen as ‘enough’; and they’re\u00a0used throughout the course of EFT. In […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2147","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-eft-blog"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/degeneral.davidkim.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2147","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/degeneral.davidkim.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/degeneral.davidkim.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/degeneral.davidkim.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/degeneral.davidkim.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2147"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/degeneral.davidkim.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2147\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/degeneral.davidkim.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2147"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/degeneral.davidkim.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2147"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/degeneral.davidkim.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2147"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}