I\u2019ve always struggled with prescribing homework for couples. First, nobody likes doing it. Second, it can be difficult to know how to follow up when it isn\u2019t done, or even attempted.\u00a0 Finally, while it\u2019s a typical feature of more behaviorally oriented approaches \u2013 and I\u2019ve been giving much more homework since learning sex therapy \u2013 it\u2019s often not so prominent in experiential models. I\u2019ve been studying and practicing EFT for over 10 years and homework as a part of the therapy process wasn\u2019t talked about in trainings much until relatively recently. \u00a0It\u2019s not surprising since the roots and process of EFT are so strongly experiential. You can see it in the interventions: we evoke emotion in the moment; we heighten primary emotions \u2013 especially those related to vulnerability; we set up enactments to bring alive partners\u2019 experience of each other. We also focus on in-session process, tracking partners\u2019 responses to each other, what draws them in and what leads them to pull away or attack. And we ask about cycles of conflict and distance outside the session, in an effort to understand how partners ask for and respond to each other\u2019s needs. But one of the perennial challenges is helping couples take all that great experiential work out into the world and use it to slow down cycles, take risks to be more vulnerable and continue the process of strengthening their attachment bonds.<\/p>\n
Before telling you about some excellent EFT-oriented books to add to your current resources, here are a couple of suggestions. They\u2019re appropriate for almost any couple.<\/p>\n
A few suggestions about giving homework: It\u2019s essential to have clients\u2019 buy-in<\/em>, so co-create it. If it isn\u2019t meaningful after they leave the office they\u2019re far less likely to do it. Suggest it as a way to speed treatment progress and give them time to comment on and fine tune your suggestions.\u00a0 Many couples need to start small<\/em>, so build on what you\u2019re doing in the office and see if they can reprise that work or take it just a step further. Suggesting homework, but not asking about it at the next session tells clients it\u2019s not important<\/em>. There may be great reasons to start with more immediate concerns, but be sure to come back to the homework.<\/p>\n Now for those resources:<\/p>\n As you can see, there\u2019s a growing pool of resources available to support couples\u2019 work outside of therapy to integrate what they\u2019re learning in therapy. Please share your own ideas and I\u2019ll follow up with a list of additional suggestions and resources. It\u2019s an important \u2013 and often neglected \u2013 way to increase the potency of what we already do so well.<\/p>\n Till next time,<\/p>\n Jeff<\/p>\n\n