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  • Statement Against Hate Crimes

    Dear Colleagues,

    We stand in solidarity today and every day with the Asian, Asian American, and Pacific Islander communities who have experienced a significant increase in hate crimes against them over the past year of the coronavirus pandemic, including a mass shooting in Atlanta last week, six of whose victims were of Asian descent. We are horrified by hate crimes that name as “other” those who are our family, friends, and colleagues. We are all members of the human race and we seek to honor and include all.

    EFT is grounded in safe relational connection. Alienation and exclusion are inherently traumatic. An assault against any of us is an assault against all of us. You are welcome here!

    We long for the day when we no longer have to send such messages. In the meantime, each of us can offer comfort and support to members of our community who may be feeling targeted and vulnerable. Safety tips for those experiencing or witnessing hate and how to report it can be found here: https://stopaapihate.org/actnow/.

    Sincerely,
    ChicagoEFT Board

  • Next Steps Emerging from the Community Conversations

    Dear ChicagoEFT Community,

    We want to thank all of you who joined us for our two community-wide conversations, “Centering Marginalized Voices & Creating Opportunities for Healing Connection,” held via Zoom on July 23 and August 20, 2020. The number of participants we drew validated our sense that we are a community who care about one another and are motivated to address issues of social justice. At the same time, many of us do not know the best ways to do that and are looking for opportunities for learning, engagement, and practice.

    In recognition of that, and to ensure that our trainings and the ChicagoEFT organization itself are focused on inclusion, equity, and accessibility, the Board has been working to identify appropriate next steps. In consultation with Dr. Cadmona Hall, the facilitator of our two Healing conversations, and through research into what other EFT centers are implementing, we are currently in the midst of the following:

    • Conducting a needs assessment that will help us better understand what our ChicagoEFT community has experienced in terms of racial injustices and marginalization and also what our therapists want and need to better recognize and navigate issues of power and privilege in their work.
    • Researching ways to broaden our accessibility to new or potential EFT therapists who identify as part of a marginalized community or who work with marginalized populations, as well as ways to reach people in marginalized populations directly.
    • Being intentional about bringing in trainers of various backgrounds as we plan our upcoming events.
    • Exploring ways to prepare our role-play coaches and home-group leaders to more effectively create safe spaces for participants in our trainings.
    • Planning a peer-led, self-of-therapist group for therapists who identify as white, focused on helping them examine biases and privilege related to white identity.

    We would love to hear your feedback regarding these next steps. Please send us an email and let us know what you think.

     

    Warmly, and on behalf of the ChicagoEFT Board,

    Anne Rossen, Membership Director

    and

    Ileana Ungureanu, Continuing Education Credits Director

     

  • Reflection on the July 2020 Listening Session

    As someone wrote in an evaluation, this event was not a passive listening gathering. It was an experience in which Cadmona and Rachel created a safe space for active listening and participation.

    After some introductory comments and explanation of tasks for privileged and subjugated people (see below), we split into 2 groups, one for therapists who identify as BIPOC, a second group for those who identify as white.  And as quickly as a Zoom breakout room opens, there was injury. In what seemed to us organizers to be a matter of logistical convenience, there lurked harm, marginalization again.  We put the smaller group, BIPOC, in a breakout room (fewer people to identify and assign) and left the larger group, white, in the main room.

    Breakout sessions over and everyone back in the main meeting room, I saw the look in my friends’ faces as they described the experience, the ordinary routineness of language and action that puts them to the side.  It was a real time example of the countless slights BIPOC experience, experiences against which they armor up every day.

    My own first response was defensive.  I said to myself, “The facilitators should have seen this coming and prevented it!”  Yet very quickly it became a powerful experience, doing more than any powerpoint slide could, to open my eyes, our eyes, to how regularly marginalization occurs, how commonplace, how it exists in the water we all drink.

    Other things happened in the meeting, of course, and if you are interested in the kind of learning, growth, repair and connection that can happen in this kind of experience, we on the board of ChicagoEFT invite you to our next session of active listening on August 20th, 2020.

    I feel humbled by the gift of honesty and vulnerability given by so many.  I am grateful to be on this lifelong journey and have this community as my companions.

    Gretchen Harro

     

    The tasks of the privileged and subjugated come from Gurman, A.S., & Jacobson, N.S. (2002). Clinical handbook of couple therapy, Third Edition. New York, NY: The Guilford Press.  Chapter 22: Couple Therapy Using a Multicultural Perspective.  Pages 586-588.

    TASKS OF THE PRIVILEGED:

    1. To resist false notions of equality. It is not helpful to equate suffering.
    2. Intentions vs. consequences: to understand that intentions may be good, but that doesn’t change the fact that consequences may be bad. It is not helpful to just clarify intentions when consequences were hurtful. Acknowledge the effect, impact, of your actions. Intentions are the province of the privileged; consequences are the province of the subjugated.  Including the impact of silence.
    3. To challenge the ahistorical approach. History does matter, the past does affect the present. The privileged cannot understand the subjugated “out of context.”
    4. To develop thick skin. Need to be able to thicken one’s skin, to not give up on connections with people who have been subjugated even if you are initially rebuffed, to continue to go back and back, to continue to try.
    5. To not become a FOE “framer of others’ experiences.”

     

    TASKS OF THE SUBJUGATED:

    1. To overcome learned voicelessness; to advocate for oneself. One needs to challenge the belief that it is not worth speaking up. The subjugated have often been taught that “silence is golden” and “don’t speak unless spoken to;” the challenge is to unlearn this behavior.
    2. To learn to exhale the negative messages that have become internalized.
    3. To overcome the addiction to protect, educate or change the privileged.
    4. To deal with one’s own rage, to channel it appropriately, not to eradicate it.  Shame is a major stumbling block for the privileged; rage is a major stumbling block for the subjugated.

  • A Letter from the ChicagoEFT Past President

    Dear EFT Community,

    We are living in extraordinary times and the protests of the Black Lives Matter movement are powerful demands for genuine, lasting and systemic change in how we as a society view and respond to black, indigenous and other people of color (BIPOC). The chorus of protests have reached virtually every corner of our society – even around the world. Systemic injustice and inequity are all around us. We are in crisis.

    If you have been following the ICEEFT (International Center for Excellence in EFT) listservs you have seen that the larger EFT community is no exception. Many therapists have been voicing their negative personal and professional experiences related to trainings and membership. It takes courage to speak directly and openly when one hasn’t felt seen, understood, appreciated and welcomed for who they are, and we are all indebted to those who have taken the risk to speak truth to power. The vulnerability of naming and asking for core needs to be met has too often been met with defensiveness, misunderstanding and worst of all, silence.

    I wish I could say the Chicago Center for EFT (now known as ChicagoEFT) has been different, but we have our own shortcomings. As trainer and president for over 10 years, I have to own my blind spots regarding the experiences of BIPOC, LGBTQ and other marginalized populations. I have thought of our trainings and organizational culture as respectful and welcoming to all, but even to the extent that is true, it isn’t enough. Being a white male, person of privilege in a position of power I haven’t fully understood how difficult it has been for some in our community to speak openly about their concerns and needs. I have gotten the message: We must actively create an inclusive environment.

    Tracy Douglas, a Wisconsin therapist who completed Core Skills and several Master Classes in Chicago, recently sent an email to the ICEEFT listserv that captures the experiences of many black and other persons of color. She gave me permission to share her comments here. “…there is always a part of me that scans to look for other people of color as a way of looking to create safety for myself and to assess for what diversity looks like in an EFT community”, and “…you’ve got to excel in everything you put your hand to so you can best represent people of color, don’t let anyone see you struggle, because if you do, you’re showing you’re inferior; and don’t draw attention to yourself by complaining, just push through and let your actions speak for you.” And finally, “…I have a very deep fear – even typing this out brings me to tear –  of the majority of white people really not caring about black people/POC at very fundamental levels.”

    Thank you, Tracy. Your words are a gift. A colleague once told me that for every person who speaks up about a negative experience there are five more who feel similarly, but don’t say anything. Very sobering.

    The ChicagoEFT board, itself lacking substantive diversity, met recently and discussed the action steps we can take to change the face of our membership and our culture, to make ChicagoEFT a place where all feel welcomed and valued equally. We have made a conscious decision not to create a diversity committee at this time because we understand we have fallen short and feel a special urgency to make changes. It is work we must all engage in and we will not relegate the task to a committee. We see a need to take concrete actions to address lack of opportunity, inequity and marginalization in any form it manifests in the ChicagoEFT community.

    An essential part of ChicagoEFT’s mission is to support clinicians to become expert EFT therapists. We know from attachment theory that we all need safe, secure connections to take risks, show our vulnerability and be resilient in the face of threat. Taking the steps to learn and practice EFT requires emotional safety and it is the responsibility of our leadership to create a safe environment for all, inclusive of race, sexual expression, religious practice or socio-economic status. We recognize the attachment injury that has come from BIPOC therapists, in particular, being ignored, blamed and marginalized. EFT teaches us that repair and restoration of trust require that the injurer respond with a full understanding of the impact on those who have been injured. As an organization we are committed to repairing injuries and rebuilding trust. We have been given a special opportunity to become more aware of and act to address the pain and suffering around us. We need to begin the repair process.

    Below are some initial steps the ChicagoEFT board is or will be taking to improve how we create a more diverse community.

      • Increase opportunities to take ChicagoEFT trainings, including scholarships. We have already begun a fund to support that effort.
      • Use videos and other training resources that reflect the community around us. We will find ways to provide training videos and other resources that reflect the full range of our clients: BIPOC, all expressions of gender and sexuality, all cultures and all religions.
      • Mentor development of a broader range of EFT therapists by providing affordable supervision when needed to therapists from marginalized communities.
      • Foster Externship graduates to become more involved in ChicagoEFT activities, including volunteer opportunities that strengthen connection to the community and provide more support to grow their EFT skills.
      • Offer introductory presentations to under-resourced mental health agencies in order to provide exposure to EFT.
      • Identify and invite BIPOC to serve on the ChicagoEFT board of directors

    These efforts are just a start and there is much work to be done. As a board we are committed to creating an organization that changes the face of the therapist community in the Chicago area to become a model for EFT Centers and Communities around the world. Within the next 2 weeks we will hold a listening session to hear more about the needs of those we serve. We need many voices to help us learn. Our mission is to provide all therapists with a safe, supportive and welcoming home and with your help I am confident that we can do that.

    Jeff Hickey, LCSW
    EFT Trainer
    Past President, ChicagoEFT (2010-2020)

  • Josh Marder is now a Certified EFT Supervisor!

    It is a great pleasure to announce that Josh Marder, LMFT is now an ICEEFT Certified Supervisor. Josh has been part of the Chicago EFT community since he moved here six years ago and has been involved at many levels, including assisting at trainings, as a peer group leader, and a member of the ChicagoEFT board of directors.

    Josh is a relentlessly enthusiastic learner and is eager to share his expertise with the next generation of EFT therapists. Gail Palmer, who reviewed his material, commented on how he creates space for supervisees’ exploration and curiosity while teaching with focus and clarity.

    In addition to his private practice in Lincolnwood, Josh regularly leads Hold Me Tight groups.

    Congratulations, Josh, for reaching this milestone. It’s great to have you as part of ChicagoEFT community!

  • Marcia Vickman is now a Certified EFT Supervisor!

    On behalf of the Chicago Center for EFT I am pleased to announce that Marcia Vickman, LCPC, CADC is a newly certified EFT Supervisor! In addition to being a highly skilled and passionate EFT therapist, she generously supports the ChicagoEFT community in many ways. She is vice-president of the ChicagoEFT board of directors, the director of training, and a peer group leader. She has also given her time to coach new learners at virtually every local training over the past several years.
    Marcia has a beautiful ability to create space for supervisees to learn in their own way at their own pace. Gail Palmer, who reviewed her videos describes her as an “open, receptive learner who knows the model and teaches the concepts clearly.”
    Congratulations Marcia! You’ve worked hard and earned this honor. Thanks for being such a vital part of the Chicago Center for EFT.

  • Sue Johnson’s new book pulls it all together!

  • John Amendt is a Certified Supervisor!

    On behalf of the Chicago Center for EFT it is a great pleasure to announce that John Amendt, LCSW, LMFT is a newly certified EFT Supervisor! John took part in the first Chicago Externship and has been a cornerstone of the growth of EFT from the beginning. He is the guy you want along side you in the middle of a storm: calm, thoughtful, reassuring. As an AAMFT approved supervisor he has shepherded many young therapists through the process of developing therapeutic skills and presence, and now ICEEFT has recognized him as one of the select group of supervisors who can teach and model the core values of EFT. In addition to his supervisory work, John serves the Chicago EFT community as the treasurer of the CCEFT board of directors and has always been generous in sharing his time and skills. We all benefit from having him on our team.

    Gail Palmer reviewed John’s certification clips and had this to say:
    John brings a wealth of clinical experience as well as supervision experience in other models, and this is evident in his work. He has a quiet ease and calm about him that has a reassuring effect on his supervisees. His unhurried presence results in an attunement that puts them at ease and inspires risk-taking. He is able to focus in on their struggles in a non-pressured way, validating the difficulties and using himself appropriately.  He moves easily and smoothly into various ways of accessing learning as needed, including role plays, self of therapist exploration, and brief teaching of concepts of the model.  It is clear that his supervisees value his input, feel safe sharing their struggles in his presence, and benefit hugely from working with him.

    Please join me congratulating John for this well-deserved achievement.

    Congratulations John!!

  • The Four Components of Emotion

    By guest blogger, Josh Marder, LMFT

    Most couples have trouble expressing their softer primary emotions when they come in for couples therapy.  We know that’s where we’ve got to go… but how do we get there?

    One of the things I love about the EFT model is how it guides us to create safety for the deeper softer emotions to step out from hiding.  We do this by helping the client organize and experience their emotional selves.  EFT teaches us that the emotions we experience are not limited to how we feel.  The wholesome picture of emotions includes a combination of cognition, bodily experience, limbic/pre-conscious experience, and even action.

    Let’s take a closer look at these four parts of emotion.

    As an action or comment by the partner is seen or heard, there is a preconscious question that is asked by the back of the brain, in the amygdala, “Is this dangerous?”  If the answer is yes, our automatic response is to protect ourselves by going into an alert state.  This alert state sends a message to the body and front of the brain, “We are entering a danger zone.  Alert!”  Through soft and reflective empathy, we help the client become aware of their assessment of distress.

    The body responds to this alert danger message, usually in the stomach, chest, or throat.  Clients often sense a tight, heavy, or painful feeling in their core area.  This is the body responding to the danger signal.  We encourage the client to explore whether they have any physical reaction in moments of relationship distress and in response to this danger signal.

    At the same time as the danger assessment is spreading to the body, it’s also triggering other parts of the brain.  The prefrontal cortext is racing to understand the meaning behind this cue.  What does this say about my partner and our bond?  “What just happened? Is s/he angry at me?  Is s/he leaving me?  What does this say about me and the relationship?  Am I a disappointment, getting it wrong again?  Am I losing your love, attention, affection, or acceptance?  We gently support the client in exploring their interpretations of their partner’s moves.

    And in response to the cue, we are driven to take action.  The effort to cope with the danger cue is usually a hyper form of fight or flight, freeze response.  In fight form, it may look like yelling, criticizing, or other expressions of anger.  In flight form, we retreat, intellectualize or otherwise avoid. The freeze response may look like emotional shut down, numbing out, going silent.  We help the partner understand and validate their emotional process as an automatic effort to deal with overwhelming emotions.

    Putting these pieces together, it may sound something like this, “When you see your partner upset (the cue), you feel you’re entering the danger zone (back of the brain danger assessment).  You begin to feel a tightness in your chest (bodily response), and you start wondering if you can ever make her happy (meaning).  You go into your shell and try to hide at that moment (action response).”  As we help a client organize their experience, they feel safer within themselves.  As the different components of emotion are organized for the client and validated, the emotional experience expands for the client.  As partners feel more understood we naturally build the scaffolding needed to access the underlying, vulnerable emotions such as sadness, fear and shame hiding underneath their reactivity, and they begin to be experienced consciously, normalized, and accepted by themselves and their partner.

    Learning EFT gives us a deeper understanding of the world of emotions for our clients and ourselves.  Through that understanding, a wholesome experience of emotion comes to light.  We are able to organize and expand the emotional world of our clients, giving them an opportunity to experience themselves and their relationship through a new lens of soft tender longings for connection.

    Joshua Marder, LMFT is a certified EFT Therapist and Supervisor in Training.  He is a member of the CCEFT Board and runs the monthly peer consultation group in the North Shore.  He offers 1-Day Hold Me Tight Retreats in the Chicago area with 6 CEs for therapists.  If you’re interested in joining the peer group or attending one of his Hold Me Tight workshops, contact Josh at josh@mardercouplesandfamilytherapy.com.